TOP 10 TIPS

How to deal with the beast. Yes, that awful beast the CSA is.

These are my top ten tips of what I learnt in over two years' experience of painful dealing with them.

1. Keep a little CSA notepad with you. You will need it every time you call them.

2. Always, always, have a pen at hand and ask for the name, surname of the person you are talking to as well as the name of office they work in.

3. If you notice, within a couple of weeks, that your calls are being ignored, stop wasting your time by calling them. Use letters and start writing to them instead.

4. Complain formally. Escalate your case to the 'Independent Case Examiner' office also and start copying them in ALL of your correspondence. Their address is: Po Box 209, Bootle, L20 7WA. (tel. 0345 6060777)

5. Do not wait weeks in between each communication. Be prompt and be in touch with them regularly (weekly if you can)

6. Any supportive information to your case is useful. If, like in my case, you have been diagnosed with depression and all the wrong-doing created by the CSA is not helping, ask your Doctor to write  you a letter, which you can send over to the CSA and Independent Case Examiners. This is something my own GP did without me asking her. She just volunteered to do it for me, as she sees me every four weeks for a general visit and she is aware of my condition.
Or perhaps if you have a good relationship with your boss/employer, they may be willing to supply a letter in support of your case.

7. If you can't work, for whatever reason,  please explain this to the CSA in a detailed manner, so your financial struggle is documented (although remember, they won't care for it in the slightest). You just do it for documentation purposes only.

8. Always keep your calm when reasoning with them. Using an excessive emotional 'angle' (when writing to them) or raising voices (on the phone) won't help at all (I tried that too, so I know for experience, trust me). CSA employees are the most 'unemotional' office workers you will ever find, so they won't care if you have no money for bread or nappies.

9. Write to your MP and include any supportive letters (as mentioned above). My MP helped (slightly) the case because he wrote to the CSA and the CSA replied promptly to both of us. My case is still ongoing, so I cannot inform you (just yet) of any positive outcome, but at least I know my MP did something about it.

10. Remember, you are doing all this because you love your children. You are going through this hell because it is your duty as a mother to try all you can to obtain justice for your kids.

Welcome to my blog!

This is the story of a man and a woman who loved each other, at first. Together they created the most beautiful child, now age two years and seven months. A very much wanted baby. And now a beautiful, healthy, happy, sociable toddler. He is my world and he is the only reason why I decided to write this blog for.

But hey, let's go back to the beginning of the story! Exactly that. Exactly what it was, just that. Only the beginning.

Now the man is an ex-husband and an estranged father, who has not seen his boy since he was four months and ten days old. Nor he has asked after him. Nor he has paid or contributed towards his welfare for now 14 months, and counting.

This is sadly my story and I know there are many, many, women left in this very tragic position in Britain. Women who are well educated, professional, established in their career and with a fantastic social life before they met their 'now-ex-husbands'. Women who are now left with no money (savings all gone, to be able to survive); no job (as they left very good professional positions, like the one I had, to support their highly career driven husbands, like I did); no emotional support; no day-to-day physical help; and finally,  nor financial contribution from the estranged partner/father/ex husband.

These women are usually smart and street-wise and you would never have thought, a man could enter their lives and leave a path of destruction behind... such as the one I was faced with.

Like many career ladies nowadays, I married late in life. I am romantic and always wanted to wait for Mr Right, Prince Charming, the perfect gentleman, the idyllic modern fairy-tale.  Well, I did have all that (or so I wrongly thought so!). Even if only for a very short time.

Anyway, let's go back to the reason of this blog...the clue is in the title really. Hell with the CSA.

A fair, democratic, world leading country like Britain has created a Government body called the CSA (which stands for 'Child Support Agency', for those amongst you reading this and who are, fortunately, not familiar with it). They are part of the Department of Work and Pensions (why?  I hear you asking......well, your guess is as good as mine....I don't know why either!). The CSA were created to 'help children' like mine to receive the rightful amount of money from their fathers who have decided, disgustingly so, not to pay for their basic items, such as food and toiletries. Never mind holidays abroad; new bikes; piano lessons; trips to the stadium or Christmas gifts. I am talking about 'basic stuff' here, like money for nappies, milk, bread, clothes, shoes and toiletries.

Sadly, British lawyers do not want to 'touch' the subject of childcare and financial commitments from either party towards the upbringing of children. Therefore women like me need to rely on the CSA for any support towards getting any money from our ex partners. And sadly, again, the support from the CSA is non existent and when it does exist, it is a very painful and long experience.

I keep a phone call diary and mark on a calendar every time I ring them. The CSA have exposed themselves to be a team of very lazy (not ever calling you back), unfair (mentioning the ex non paying partner as one of their 'customer'.....pardon?? I thought the KIDS were their CSA's only customers?); unemotional (no empathy what-so-ever, when dealing with the matter of kid's welfare?) and incompetent individuals.

To top it all up, I found out this week, they work on a 'commission' basis., like good sales men do.
Let me explain....if your ex partner decides to finally pay for maintenance towards his child, they get a bonus. Yes, you read correctly. A monetary bonus. However, if they don't extract any maintenance money from your ex partner, they don't get anything.

Right, now I understand. This the reason why NOTHING has been done on my case in 14 months? Because my ex partner has only paid £80 in 14 months? Clearly, no bonus for them. No willing reason from their part to try and contact my ex partner.

My child's current and future welfare, which is also based on his father's maintenance contribution, is based on somebody's 'bonus scheme'. Perfect! Thank you Department of Work and Pensions.

With this blog, I will expose and exchange with you some more secrets about this irrelevant, useless and incompetent Government office, which British tax-payers subside. All tips and secrets I accumulated in two years of hard trials and tearful tribulations.

By doing so, I hope to regain some inner dignity for myself and my son.

Katherine